It’s normal to feel a bit out of your comfort zone to consider a couples therapy appointment. Some couples have never done therapy and others have had negative past experiences. Couples therapy is also stigmatized in various ways which leads people to have some misconceptions about how couples therapy works.

What happens on the first day of couples counseling?

In the first session, my goal is to understand what brings you in for counseling and to decide with you on a plan of action. In the session, we will discuss your current struggles, your interests, your strengths, and your goals. I will ask you both to explain what concerns and problems you want to address as we meet together. Then, we will make a plan for counseling, including the frequency of sessions and whether or not individual counseling is necessary. At the end of the session, I will give you some specific feedback and what to expect moving forward.

What happens during couples counseling?

During couples counseling the goal is to understand your experiences and feelings to get to the heart of the issues. I will get a real sense of your experience in the relationship and how your relationship works. We will focus on your needs, to feel closer, secure, heard, and responded to. These needs underlie most conflicts. Together we will identify behavior patterns in the repetitive interactions that cause pain, disconnection, and isolation. We work on changing these negative interaction cycles in a non-judgmental environment, creating a new way of communicating and connecting.

Is there a way to work on my relationship if my partner is unwilling to attend?

Yes, you can bring about changes in the relationship by addressing your issues and making personal progress in individual therapy if your partner does not want to attend couples counseling. A relationship is a dance with a pattern of interactions. By identifying your issues, experiences, and feelings we can help change the routine of the dance between your pattern and yourself.

Can we meet you to see how it feels and decide if I am comfortable with you as a therapist?

Yes. I offer a free 10-minute consultation so that you can get a feel for what couples counseling is like.

What therapeutic modalities do you use in couples counseling?

We use components of several therapeutic modalities including Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

EFT helps clients change distressful or unwanted emotional states by increasing the client’s ability to manage and express emotions. DBT provides couples with skills to more effectively cope with intense emotional patterns that commonly arise in intimate relationships.

Does couples counseling work?

According to the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy, 97.1% of surveyed clients said they received the help they needed during couples counseling and upwards of 80 percent said that couple counseling had a positive impact.

Specifically, research shows that EFT can help move couples from distress in 10-12 sessions for 70-75% of cases and creates improvements in 90% of couples coming in for therapy.

Do you choose sides in couples counseling?

No, my role as a therapist is to understand each partner’s position and experience in the relationship. It is my responsibility to hear both partners and help both partners hear the other. We do this by facilitating a new healthier way of communicating by used effective and concrete communication skills including active listening, providing validation and empathy, and asking questions when we are confused.

How can couples counseling help us?

Couples counseling can help you :

• Discuss and negotiate differences in a healthy manner

• Learn how to better manage conflicts

• Practice effective and concrete communication skills

• Have increased intimacy

• Identify and avoid repeating patterns of distress

• Learn practical strategies to help lessen stress and tension at home

• Become better at parenting together

• Problem solve better as a couple