Four Secrets to a Happy ADHD Relationship

The CDC estimates that in the US almost 5% of adults are currently diagnosed with ADHD while many more probably have ADHD but are not diagnosed.  While having ADHD can cause many problems at work or school, it can become particularly damaging when it comes to your relationship. Problems with time management, emotion control, organization, getting started on tasks, and self-control are the hallmark symptoms of ADHD.

Here is a list of ways to help create a meaningful and satisfying relationship with a partner who has ADHD.

Research and Educate Yourself on ADHD

People with ADHD often have problems with time management, emotional regulation, organization, getting started on tasks, and self-control. By educating yourself on these symptoms it is easier to see your partner’s problems as more a symptom of ADHD and not as a reaction to you. This can help prevent miscommunications and resentments from growing.

Communicate

ADHD symptoms like trouble with regulating emotions can interfere with communication. To prevent emotions from taking over disagreements, allow a period before engaging in conversation after a triggering event. During this period, think about what you are feeling and what the real issue you are upset about is. If you are feeling resentful or frustrated because your partner with ADHD is having a hard time with starting tasks, staying organized, or time management you can bring up how you are feeling but also bring up possible plans or suggestions to help them with these symptoms. Stay focused on the behavior you want to help them work on.  

Listen Actively

Part of good communication is being able to focus completely on the speaker and understand their message. When you and your partner have talked about triggering or hot-button topics, listen closely to your partner and ask questions so you can understand what the issue means to them.  While your partner is talking you should try to maintain eye contact, prevent yourself from interrupting, and try to focus on the words your partner is saying. If you have problems with focus, set time aside to practice active listening with your partner. 

Work together as a team

As with any relationship each partner brings to the couple different skills and talents. Take some time to identify which tasks you are good at and which are more challenging for you. For example, the non-ADHD partner may be better at handling the bills while the partner with ADHD may be more suited to buying the groceries and cooking. By dividing tasks and sticking to these responsibilities each partner plays an integral part of a team.    

  

After learning how these symptoms affect you and influence your relationship, you and your partner can implement different strategies and tools to help develop a healthier relationship. If you have tried these suggestions and are still having relationship problems couples counseling may be beneficial for you. Couples counseling can be helpful in a myriad of ways including by helping you learn better communication skills, practical strategies to help lessen stress and tension, and problem-solving techniques as a couple.

While there is no quick fix in repairing your relationship with your partner, taking the first steps to understand your partner’s diagnosis and work through your differences is the beginning of setting your relationship on the right path.

Here at the Thriving Wellness Center, we are ADHD specialists that perform couples counseling and in New York and New Jersey and virtually, where one or both members may have ADHD. We also perform thorough and accurate ADHD Evaluations and testing for ADHD in New York, New Jersey, and virtually.

Please contact us to see how we can help you improve your life.